Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
