you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
