i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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