Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
