Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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