They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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