you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
