Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
