i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
