we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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