But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
