They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
