Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize