I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
