i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They took my balls.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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