Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
