hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
