So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
