dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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