Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we're so committed to being not committed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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