Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
