Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
