my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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