Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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