its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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