I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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