He is such a slut. More and more my type.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
