Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
