I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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