Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
