I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
