How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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