I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
