My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
