You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
