i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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