So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
