Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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