Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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