so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
