i just google imaged poop.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
