i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
