either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
