This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
