when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
