Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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