i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
