The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
