i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
