The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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