my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
