I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
