She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
