how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
