i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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