We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
