We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
