You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
