She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
