I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
