I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
