I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
