Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
