nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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