i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We have so much sex to catch up on
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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