In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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