i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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