Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
