hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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