i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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