if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
MIDGETS
????
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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