we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
