my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
