She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize