Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
