My friends, they love my intelligence
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
