I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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