Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
