OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
