I didn't shave. On purpose
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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