She's JV to your varsity
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
