"it" just moved
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize