I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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