This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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