Hey man sorry I got all grabby
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We need to rekindle our bromance
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
