She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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