K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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