He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
