Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
