i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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