Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
