its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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