we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
