i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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