my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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