i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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