Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i now understand why vodka
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
