I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
