there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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