Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
