Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is my gift to your gina
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
