I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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