why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
