your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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