i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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