My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
